If you were to ask the typical run-of-the-mill dude “What do girls want from guys?” you’d get a long laundry list of things. Sadly, most of these would be flat-out wrong. No, most women aren’t all that crazy about a guy with rippling muscles who owns the latest and greatest sports car. Contrary to popular belief, many women find guys bragging about how much money they have both boring and annoying.
So, what do girls want from guys? It turns out that the list is a far cry from the list most guys would come up with.
Girls want to feel that when guys are talking to them, they are truly present in the conversation. Attention is a very big deal for a lot of females because a lot of them feel that they don’t get enough attention or they didn’t get enough attention when they were younger.
Maybe they had emotionally distant mothers and fathers. Perhaps they feel they’re often overlooked. Possibly, deep down inside they feel they’re just another face in the crowd.
Many women feel that many men talk to them because they are looking for something. There’s that level of skepticism. They probably already know what it is that guys are looking for.
When you give a female your full attention and demonstrate this by fully listening to her you’d be surprised of how positively she’ll view you. Don’t be all that shocked. You’re just giving her something that she feels she doesn’t get enough of.
Everybody likes to feel that they matter. Everybody likes to feel that they have some sort of weight, pull, or influence in the world. No matter how small, no matter how seemingly insignificant, we would like to get what we have coming to us. This doesn’t just apply to women. This pretty much applies across the board.
There are different words that are often used to describe this. Some call it respect; others call it giving people their due. Whatever the case may be, women in general don’t feel that they’re getting validated enough.
Some women are more extreme on this than others but, by and large, given that we still live in a fairly sexist and male-centered society, women rightfully so think that they don’t get what they’re due.
Let’s go one thing clear. Nobody likes to be made to feel small, insignificant, generic, or “just another face in the crowd.” Many women would like to feel that whoever they are and whatever they’re doing are important enough. That’s all. It’s not much to ask.
When you step out and give the female you’re talking to the proper validation, she sits up and pays attention. How come? Well, you stand out from the crowd. You’re not doing what everybody else is doing.
Please understand that sincerity is crucial to this. You can’t expect to just flatter women and expect that to be interpreted as validation .That would be an insult to their intelligence and you will stick out like a sore thumb.
Make no mistake women, just like most other people, are turned off by insincerity, obvious flattery, and other forms of lying.
Let’s face it we live in a dog-eat-dog world. A lot of us have a poker face. Deep down inside you feel disconnected, hurt, or even discouraged. That just goes with the territory because we live in a world where basically everybody’s on their own.
You probably would come across somebody who would tell you that you complete them. Don’t be fooled. Deep down inside, we all have to take care of ourselves. Even the ones that we think will give everything for us, like our parents, they have enough problems of their own. They still have to take care of number one so they can take care of others. Do you see how that works?
Ultimately, nobody’s going to relieve you of your responsibility to yourself. Given this framework, it is no surprise that a lot of people are feeling disconnected, alone, oftentimes in a crowd.
When you stand out from the rest of everybody and tell that that female you’re talking to real encouragement, she can’t help but notice. You become some sort of beacon of positivity in a world that ultimately, no matter how you cut it, doesn’t really care all that much.
A bit of encouragement can go a long way. Everybody’s got hopes and dreams but when you keep getting knocked down or being told to wait, it does all get old after a while. When somebody encourages you out of the blue, you can’t help but feel that surge of positivity. You reawaken your sense of adventure, curiosity and, yes, possibility.
A Sense of Belonging
Do you remember your childhood best friend? Do you remember your inside jokes? It seems like both of you would laugh at something that most people are wouldn’t even find funny. However, those memories are very valuable to you because you and your friend shared something that only the two of you could ever have. It is as if you were members of your very own private social club that nobody else has a clue about.
It is this sense of belonging that often goes away when we become older. We became jaded. We become more skeptical. A lot of us confuse this with maturity but a lot is lost in translation when you “mature.”
When you reawaken that sense of belonging by basically letting in a female on an inside joke or a somewhat awkward personal memory, you trust her to keep a secret, then you stand out. Women like to be part of something just like other people.
This is where things get real because most guys don’t even bother to get to this level. They’re just focused on physicality. They’re just focused on sex, emotional bonds, or whatever else that they’re after.
However, when you are sincere about this sense of belonging, you become extremely attractive to the female because few guys ever go there and the ones that do obviously have an agenda. As long as you’re sincere, a sense of belonging that you create between you and a female can be a very magical thing.
A Sounding Board
If you allow yourself to be a sounding board to that female in your life or that female you’re trying to get into your life, you will stand out from the crowd. How come? A lot of guys think that when females talk to them that their job is to somehow some way solve that woman or girl’s problem. It’s as if they have appointed themselves as some sort of Superman. You know and I know that you’re not Superman, not even close. So, why even pretend?
The truth is the majority of women when they share things that are eating them at work, at school, or in other areas of their personal lives are not really looking for a solution. It’s not like they’re expecting some guy to put on a cape and somehow some way save her from her personal distress and drama. Most women are mature enough to realize that is not the case nor should that be the case because they are the adults and they must handle their problems on their own.
Instead, most women are just letting off steam. They’re just getting stuff off their chest. They’re not asking you to solve issues. They’re not asking you to get to the bottom of it. They’re not asking you to do anything. You’re supposed to be just a sounding board.
If you’re able to do that and at the same time ask questions that help her unravel the issues that are eating her up, you look like a hero. Not only do you look like a real friend but you look like somebody more than a friend because you have to understand that most guys think that when women talk to them or they otherwise communicate with women that they’re attracted to, they have to pay something to get what they’re looking for.
In many cases that ”payment” is them solving the female’s problem or giving her advice. You sidestep all that ridiculous nonsense by just allowing yourself to be a sounding board.
How do you know you really care about somebody? It’s not the value of the gifts that would signify how much they mean to you. It’s the time that you spend. Time, after all, is the building block of life.
Whatever it is that you invest your time in grows. If you don’t believe me, spend time on the gym. Chances are if you invest enough time in your physical workouts, you not only look better, weigh less, but you probably will live longer.
Likewise, if you invest time in your mind by reading a lot of books, listening to very interesting people and otherwise opening yourself up to a lot of wise, mature, older individuals, you become more knowledgeable. Eventually, you start making better decisions and your life turns out better.
Interesting how that works, right? It’s all about the investment of time. The same applies to people. Whether you’re trying to impress a new female or you already have a female in your life, just spend some time with her.
This doesn’t mean that you have to let your guy ego take over. A lot of guys think that if they invest time in something that they have to actually do something to “make the time worth it.” That’s overdoing things. You’re overthinking and, eventually, it would become obvious that you’re really spending the time for yourself, not with her. Know the difference.
When you invest time in somebody, it’s about them, not about you. So, by simply just being around, talking to them, letting them tell stories, and just being a sounding board and just being present 100%, you send a tremendous message to this person. You are trustworthy. You are worth keeping around. You are worth opening up to.
How many times have you been a conversation where you really get into details of your story and you look away? You get all excited about the details and you keep talking on and on and then when you look back at the eyes of the person you’re talking to, it’s as if their eyes were just glazed over. It’s as if you’re looking at a zombie. I’m sure that has happened to you more than once.
That person isn’t in giving you presence. Basically, they’re physically present but mentally and spiritually and mood-wise, they’re somewhere else.
Believe it or not, by simply allowing yourself to be 100% present with a female, you impress her. You basically tell her in no uncertain terms that she is important to you. She matters that much. She’s that awesome. She’s that amazing. She’s worthy of your curiosity. Funny how that works and all it takes is simply paying attention.
Please understand that you can’t just sit there with your eyes glazed over and expect this to be perceived as present. Sure, you’re hearing her but are you really listening? Sure, you are looking at her but are you really seeing her point?
Presence means lining up your mental, emotional mood, and physical resources so that you are engaging with somebody. This means asking questions. I’m not talking about just nodding your head or saying, “I get you” or “I hear you.” That’s not enough.
Your questions have to get to the heart of what she’s saying so you can expose more of her thoughts and she can fully explore what it is that she is trying to get off her chest. You’re not trying to psychoanalyze her. You’re not trying to cross-examine her like a prosecuting attorney.
Instead, you are just trying to give her the framework that she needs to just fully express herself and, believe me, it’s a very liberating feeling and, before you know it, they would associate that very positive feeling with your presence and that’s definitely a good thing because you’re going to stand out from the crowd.
A lot of women like to be held. If a woman gives you permission to hold her, don’t hold back. This doesn’t mean that you should overstep your bounds. This doesn’t mean that you should use it as an excuse to manhandle the female. Instead, allow yourself to physically bond with somebody.
A lot of guys actually have a serious issue with physicality because a lot of them did not get kissed, hugged, held, caressed, and cuddled by their fathers enough. Believe it or not a mother is a lousy replacement for a father especially with little boys and a lot of guys carry this with them throughout their lives. Even if they had a father in their lives but who was physically distant, they’re going to suffer so when it comes time to physically bond with females, guys often express extremes. Either they’re overly physical or they’re just extremely distant. It’s as if the woman that they’re hugging is 10,000 degrees in temperature so they’d rather not touch.
Allow yourself to physically bond with that woman in your life. This is not a sign of weakness or vulnerability. Instead, it’s a sign of caring. It’s a sign of presence, of wanting to engage and, ultimately, encouragement plus you are building a sense of belonging between you two.
Become Her Emotional Safe Space
If you’re a guy reading this, you already know that men and women are wired differently when it comes to emotions. Guys tend to look at the bottom line. You may hate somebody’s guts but if the business deal that they bring to the table makes a lot of sense, you would cut a deal with that person. In fact, if you’re like the typical guy, you would go for that deal on a heartbeat.
Not so with females. This is what’s so awesome about them but knowing that they do get caught up in emotional intensity, you should allow yourself to be her emotional safe space. Allow yourself to basically be her emotional sounding board.
There’s a difference between a regular sounding board and an emotional sounding board. An emotional sounding board can seem chaotic. It might even seem nuts that she could be ranting and she could be bouncing from hating somebody’s guts to just loving them to bits and back again.
When somebody does this, they basically trust you that you’re not going to share this with somebody else. They’re letting you in their very vulnerable, raw, and authentic inner self. You must guard this with your life because they trust you. This is why you have to look at yourself as some sort of emotional safe space for that female. She’ll definitely appreciate that.
It’s very easy for women, just like men, to feel deadened by routine. It’s as if they’re doing certain things over and over again and they just lost the spark. It’s as if they’ve lost drive. It doesn’t matter how much money they’re making. It doesn’t matter how many people look up to them. Eventually, it gets old.
When you’re that person in a woman’s emotional or sexual circle who gives her inspiration or at least leads her to a point of inspiration, you stand out.
Most guys are greedy. They’re too worried about staying motivated as far as their greed go so when other people around them need inspiration, they go with platitude. They go with emotional templates that don’t really mean much and it’s no surprise that people really aren’t all that inspired. You know what truly inspires? It’s not the words that come out of your mouth. It’s the things that you did.
Connect with a story. If, for example, a woman is telling you that she’s just stuck with negative emotions about her mother because her mom is so domineering and controlling, inspire her with your own story of overcoming such a situation and she can tell whether you are just spouting BS or you’re the real deal. How would she know? She only needs to look at your life.
Do yourself a big favor. Try to inspire the women around you because even if you think you have led the most boring life in the world, there is at least one story there that would inspire somebody. If you’re an Asian guy looking for your White girl, make sure you read our tips.
Keep the ten things listed above in mind the next time you are trying to impress a female or trying to improve your relationship with one. The reason most guys don’t “get” women is because they don’t even try. Start paying closer attention to the women in your life and fully discover how much of a treasure they truly are.